League Leaders!

We’ve heard a lot about how bad the Mariners are, especially the offense, so I think it’s time to focus on some key positives.

Not surprisingly, Mariner batters have fewer plate appearances than any other team in the AL. Also not surprisingly, Mariner pitchers—being oh so efficient this season—have faced the second fewest batters of any pitching staff in the AL. Seattle pitchers also throw the least pitches per plate appearance! I would venture to guess that Mariner games are shorter on average than any other team’s games, and thus they are saving us oodles of time (that I then choose to spend writing about it). Yay for short games.

The Mariners have a fantastic pair of handlebar mustaches. Their Handlebar Mustache Average per Dugout has to lead the league. Yay for mustaches.


Seattle tops the charts in the Amiability Index, a stat I created measuring the kindness of players on the field. In combining the hitters’ hit by pitches with the pitchers’ HBPs, the Ms are the least likely team in the league to engage in bean ball. Yay for kindness and sportsmanship.

No M’s player has been caught stealing home yet this season, which of course leads the league. (No M’s player has attempted a steal of home yet this season. Minor details.) Yay for staying safe on third. Unfortunately, they usually just stay on third, too.

The Mariners have grounded into double plays just 8% of the time. Good for the league lead, again! Yay for striking out before hitting into a double play.

A special shoutout to my boy, Jack Cust, the most daring of all major leaguers. Despite leading the Mariners in OBP, he still leads in the entire league in 3-0 pitches swung at. Considering he has 100 less plate appearances than most guys on the top of the list, this is a true accomplishment. Just think what his OBP could be…. Yay for daring.

Doug Fister sits in a seven-way tie for most doubles among AL pitchers…with one. He’s in an 81-way tie for second place in homeruns. What a stud. I bet he can even Dougie, too.

Franklin Gutierrez leads all center fielders in UZR/150, a defensive runs saved ratio. Franklin Gutierrez trails all center fielders in wOBA, an offensive runs created ratio. This effectively makes him the best defensive center fielder, and worst offensive center fielder in the entire league. Yay for…diversity? Polarity?

We are the best at some things! You just have to look…hard…and those things might not matter.


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